What is the best way to behave? It was a beautiful evening that ended in romantic togetherness, and suddenly the door opens – caught by the child in sex, how uncomfortable! There it stands now and looks a bit unsure what his parents are doing there. How do you best react in such a moment?
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Caught in sex – what to do?
At first, you’ll probably be more frightened than your child if it surprises you during sex. Stay calm, keep in mind that you have not done anything wrong. Welcome your child as usual and ask what they want.
The reaction of a child can be very different. It depends, among other things, on the age, but also in which position it surprised you and whether perhaps “strange” sounds were heard. A toddler may not even realize it’s in an unusual situation, older schoolchildren are more likely to associate with it, and often tacitly retreat.
Of course, it can also be that your child stands in front of the bed with a terrified face and asks what you did there. So, how you should behave concretely, except to stay calm, also depends on your child’s reaction.
For example, you can use a toddler to cuddle up with you or put you back in your cot as you would otherwise. If your child leaves the room by itself, you do not have to worry about chasing after him. You can get dressed in peace and then ask what it wanted.
If your child asks what you are doing, formulate your answer according to age. To a little child, you can say that you cuddle because you love yourself. Is it because of loud groaning or otherwise disturbed, also helps a small excuse, they were just fun and romped.
The older your child is, the more specific you can become, although the wording does not have to be that you had sex: daddies and mommies do that kind of thing when they love each other, and your child is born from an act of love. If the choice of words is based on the age and comprehension of your child, your child will hardly feel unsettled.
So it is true: Since you have done something quite normal, you can also handle it normally. Occasionally a laugh relaxes the situation.
Under no circumstances should you simply send your child out or rant because it was so sudden. Try to hide your possible insecurity, avoid hectic: never you should now quickly remove all the bare skin cover and maybe even flee from the bed. This would only imply that the child was in the wrong place. Do not overdo it with explanations if it does not ask on its own.
If you can not hide your fright, do not resort to excuses. You can say that you were scared and then laugh together.
What happens in the child?
Children have different talents, just as differently do they process their impressions. Of course, these are also dependent on the situation. These and the age of your child influence the extent to which it then thoughts. Fancier sex practices are more likely to confuse them than an inconspicuous missionary position under the covers.
The reaction may also depend on how sex is handled in principle. If it is normal for a child to see Dad or Mom dressed unclothed and knows the sight if the parents hug and kiss in between, it can be more natural to see her naked in bed.
If your child deals with the experience, perhaps ask questions the next day or later. Answer him as naturally as possible in age-appropriate, clear words. However, psychologists recommend not to look for such a conversation on their own: your child may feel that they feel compelled to explain themselves and are thereby unsettled.
It is different if you notice an unusually violent reaction. If you have the impression that your child is having difficulty coping with the experience, look for the conversation on your own, but you should not press it.
Such a reaction is rather rare in children. It can be caused by the inappropriate behavior of the parents or by a generally suppressed treatment of sexuality in the family. No matter what the reason, it is important to help the child with the processing, otherwise it may develop problems with one’s sexuality.
Dealing with sexuality
Sexuality is no longer taboo in society. Nevertheless, the sexual act, at least for many people, is an intimate affair that does not like to be publicized. So you are perfectly entitled to live it out without spectators. The safest way of not being surprised by the child is sure to lock the door or choose a time when the child is not in the house.
An open approach to sexuality is nevertheless essential. This starts with your behavior, wrong shame is inappropriate. The human body is something natural and women and men look different. This may be quietly known to your child, or it may ask sooner or later why this is so.
At least now you are actively involved in the education, which of course should be done according to the age of the child. If you are hard on yourself, you may be able to help with suitable children’s books. These are illustrated and can be browsed through while telling the child what to see – or even let the child tell you.
If you have any questions about how the baby gets in and out of the stomach, you should answer without hesitation. Otherwise, you can turn to children’s books. You may also have some unpleasant questions about what you do when you are adorable – many children know intuitively that “something is happening” or are just picking up something in everyday life.
- Do not make sexuality a taboo subject
- age-appropriate education, answering questions
- if caught, stay calm
- do not react indignantly
- The child does not press with explanations
- Use willingness to talk