Children: a challenge for the love relationship – It is the dream of many couples to start their own family with one, two or more children. Studies show, however, that every fifth marriage threatens to fail after the birth of a child.
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Why is this and what role does family growth play in this?
A long-term study of over 170 couples performed by the LBS shows that the relationship changes after the birth of a child. Whether in favor of the couple relationship or not, according to the couple psychologist is the nature and quality of the relationship.
Before the birth is not after birth
Pregnancy already requires some couples to change their previous habits. This change intensifies after a birth. However, this is often accepted by the newly-baked parents for the first time with the baby. Short nights and a changed daily schedule are not a problem for most parents. According to the LBS study, it is the changing roles and responsibilities that can negatively affect a relationship.
About 80 percent of women and men are employed according to the LBS surveys before birth and have lived as equitably as possible about family income and the distribution of tasks. With the first child, this is fundamentally different for many couples.
Many mothers stay home for one to three years and focus more on housework and parenting during this time. If several children are born within a few years, this maternity leave is extended. This not only changes the career of the woman but can also significantly improve the relationship.
As mom responsible for all family matters
For the woman, washing clothes, ironing and children’s daily routine, while the man works more than 40 hours a week, creates couples who are at first unfamiliar. In particular, women who worked before they were pregnant are not always comfortable with their role as housewives and lack the social recognition that comes with being a professional. Nevertheless, they want to be there for their children and the whole family in the best possible way.
This feeling can lead to internal conflicts, which are additionally reinforced by a very traditional distribution of tasks. For example, housework and childcare responsibilities are in the hands of mothers in the majority of parents. Only rarely do fathers take on duties such as:
- Pediatrician visits,
- the organization of care options or
- participation in parents evenings
This triggers a high level of stress and dissatisfaction for some women, which in turn affect the partner’s mood.
However, this situation does not only result from the respective individual family situation. Often the political and economic conditions of a family have a high share in the fact that couples, however, return their ideas of life to old role models and are dissatisfied with them.
So many things at once
According to psychologists, the secret of happy parent couples lies in balanced communication and a high degree of attention to the partner’s health. If this is not the case, then a relationship can get into trouble given the numerous tasks that a parent couple often has to fulfill. In addition to child, household and work, there are often topics such as house building or the age-related support of one’s parents.
Relationship stress also affects the youngest
If the stress of mother and father is experienced as very intense, then it also affects the children. This can already be seen in the first months of life. According to a family, psychology study was a significant relationship between poor parent communication and the behavior of a baby.
At the time of the examination, the babies were not older than six months and were perceived as much more unbalanced and complicated (both by the parents and their environment) when there was dissatisfaction in the parent relationship. Other studies confirm this finding for three-year-old infants.
In many cases, children also enrich the life together
Although the statistics paint a comparatively bleak picture of family happiness in Germany, they do exist numerous parents who enjoy life with their children. Of course, there are also problematic situations in solid partnerships and parent-child relationships. However, these can often be solved by intensive discussions and the agreement of common goals. A touch of humor and organizational talent is essential for life as a couple of love and parents.